some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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