Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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