Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
