This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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