I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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