somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
