It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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