I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize