i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
