What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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