my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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