I can tuck mytits in my pants
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
