so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
