she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
