Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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