i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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