Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
