apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
