i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
