So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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