Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
