bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
