so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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