ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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