im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize