Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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