Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
