I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
