Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
