sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize