So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize