And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
