i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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