The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Drake has all the answers
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