DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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