just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize