it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
