god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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