he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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