dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
