I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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