it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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