I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
