Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize