What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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