I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize