is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
