We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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