last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
