i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
