I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
