Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
