Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize