Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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