Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
