i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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