It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
