I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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