I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
