twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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