Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
