probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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