thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
