it was like eating out sand paper
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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