So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
