I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
