I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
