My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
